polka dot suitcase

Ah, autumn. How I love you. Cooler temps, crunchy leaves, that wistful end-of-summer, romantic vibe in the air. And, of course, the crack of helmet-to-pad contact and grown men in tight, shiny pants. Yup, it’s football season.

At Chez Polka Dot, Sundays can get interesting. We’ve got the AFC and NFC represented in our family room: Steelers fan, Bills fan, Panthers fan, Redskins fan. When any of those teams go head-to-head, things can get interesting. When any other teams go head-to-head, sibling rivalry still makes things interesting. Why do my kids have to pick different teams to root for every single game? Where’s the harmony? Brotherly love?

I’ll say up front: I’m a football fan. I get the rules, I know things like who’s the head coach of which team (especially when they look like doctors on House, Dr. Foreman). I know the difference between offside and false start. I get team rivalries. But when those rivalries are sitting on the couch next to you, things get tiresome very quickly.

If you’ve got football fever in your house but you’re not yet up to par on the armchair culture that accompanies it, I’ll offer two tips in the Polka Dot Suitcase Mom’s Guide to Football:

• How to throw a football: This will inevitably come up during halftime. Take the ball. Find the laces. Stagger the last three fingers on your throwing hand on the end of the laces. Pull back and heave that sucker, letting it roll off your fingertips. Voila. Perfect spiral, right? Alternative: Punt. Saves your nails.
• How to make healthy football food that the guys will eat: You can’t. Oh, I’ve done the baked-Buffalo-chicken-breast-strips and the baked-corn-tortillas-sprayed-with-Pam. The guys won’t touch them. But just like the Lions, you can’t give up. Keep trying. Because eventually, you’ll come across a guy who’s having a day like the Redskins did and you’ll win — he’ll eat the hummus and carrot sticks. But then the next week they’ll only eat the fried cheese sticks again. It’s an uphill battle.