polka dot suitcase

New fave phrase. From Shark Tank. Colorful Kevin in the Middle yells to two waffling entrepreneurs, “Take the money, you crazy chickens!” Hee hee! I’ve used that line about a dozen times (maybe more) since then, really for no apparent reason. I have neither money nor chickens, crazy or otherwise.

I have made an exception to my lofty “I don’t watch TV” stance for Shark Tank. Watching fellow biz owners (or potential biz owners) try to strike a partnership with the rich dudes (and solo dudette) who have traveled before us is illuminating. I’ve learned mucho. To wit:

• Mommy products continue to be strong sellers. One gal who pitched a freakish elephant medicine dispenser was paired up with a Shark, while the aforementioned crazy chickens pitched a slipcover for a portable play yard that was snapped up. New mommies will love it. Seasoned mommies will realize that a) kiddos are washable and b) they can be tricked into taking medicine. (And they won’t end up afraid of elephants, either.)
• There are never too many cheesy educational products. A woman scored with a set of picture books about relaxation, while a guy with a guitar made a deal with his musical Shakespeare CDs. For the record, I’ve written about so many similar products over the years — science songs, history songs, foreign language songs…it’s good to know that while all we had was Schoolhouse Rock, today’s kids will have MP3 players bursting with educational songs. And they’ll love them. Uh…yeaaaahhhhhh.
• Just because you’ve got a trademark on a commonly used word like “coffee” (no joke), doesn’t mean you’ve got a viable product. The poor guy who wanted to sell teddies with the words “coffee” and “cappuccino” on them was turned away by the sharks. Uh, that’s a stuffed teddy bear, not the other kind. Hmm…maybe he oughtta go back to the drawing board with that one.
• Just because you’ve got a solid biz doesn’t mean the Sharks will bite. A grafitti-remover guy couldn’t sell his franchise idea. Maybe if he’d brought his dog in with him like he had in his pre-pitch vingette, he would have had more success. At least we got to hear another gem from Kevin in the Middle: “You’re dead to me if you turn around!” Oooh, dead to Kevin in the Middle. Uh oh.

Shark Tank gives me a glimpse of American fairy tales and American nightmares. You can find your fortune recycling gift cards! You can create one more kitschy kitchen gadget and make money! Implanting a Bluetooth device in your head is not a good idea! (Especially if you have to plug your head in to charge it…ewwwww….)

And on that note, I’m out.